2024 will be the third Mother’s Day without Mom. I knew when she transitioned that I would be processing stuff for some time to come.

Last week, I had a healing session and Mom appeared. She came to say, “It’s okay.” The “it” had to do with my belief that I could have been a better, more loving son. Protesting to my therapist, I told her it was unlikely that Mom would have said “okay” because she was usually quite critical. Indeed, as I observed the encounter in my mind’s eye, the manner in which Mom said “It’s okay” was more matter-of-fact, with little sense of comfort. It felt more like: “It is what it is.” 

I wonder how many of us struggle with our feelings for our mothers, whether she’s alive or dead. There’s probably no stronger or more compelling archetype within human relationships to me than that of mother and child. Ideally, it is caring, nurturing, unconditionally loving and intensely bonded and devoted until death. I suspect it’s why it’s harder for me to process mom stuff than pop stuff. 

For all intents and purposes, I didn’t have a relationship with my father—despite the fact that my parents were married and lived in the same house. But I grew up not only in a time but within a culture that didn’t expect much from fathers beyond being a provider. When I first learned of his passing, I broke into tears—not because I was going to miss him but because I wanted to miss him more than I knew I would. A year or two later, in a spasm of recollection and reflection, I spontaneously forgave him for not being more of a father, recognizing that, in all likelihood, he did the best he knew how to do.

But our expectations of our mothers are different. The writer Mark Woollacott wrote, “Psychologist Carl Jung … believed that the mother archetype exists within the child from infancy. According to his theories, babies project their own motherly ideals onto the person they feel is their primary nurturer.”

That resonates with me. I definitely feel something deep-seated about what moms should be like. In my December 2019 Letter from the Publisher, I wrote about a session I had with the magazine’s first yoga editor, Graham Fowler, in which we explored the possibility of trapped emotions within my body. I wrote: “Toward the end of the session, something happened. Shortly after he placed one hand on my chest and the other on my back, I burst out in tears. For a few moments, I didn’t know why it had happened. But then a scene from childhood started playing in my mind, and all of a sudden, I understood.”

At the time, I didn’t share what I had seen; it was too new and raw. The scene was of me looking up toward Mom, arms extended, eyes pleading, “Hold me.” 

I’ve always felt I could have used much more cuddling and holding as a child, and in that brief moment on the yoga mat, that feeling exploded, and miraculously, healing occurred. But it’s taken this long—much longer than with my father—to conclude that Mom, too, did the best she knew how to do. 

Two years on, and yet, I feel there’s more to come.

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As of this issue, we bid farewell to David Penn, our yoga editor for the past year, and welcome Patty Schmidt, C-IAYT, E-RYT500, YACEP, in that position.

A former academician, Patty taught music at the University of Surrey in the U.K. “In 2009, I began working at a charity in London serving women and children living with HIV,” she says on her website. “It was immediately apparent to me what yoga offered in terms of a therapeutic and spiritual practice, and this was the first time I began to consider yoga as therapy, as something other than an athletic endeavor.” 

Patty’s special expertise is pelvic health and wellness; she also works with those living with trauma. Her list of trainings and certifications is far too long to cite here. Yet, impressive as they are, the ideas, energy and creativity she’s bringing to our publication are even more impressive. We’ll be generating more yoga content than ever, and we’ll soon be providing web exclusives, too! 

Welcome, Patty! We are honored that you’ve chosen to share your knowledge and wisdom with the Atlanta community, and we look forward to all that you will bring to us! And thank you, David, for sharing your knowledge, passion and talents over the past year. We wish you good fortune in all that you pursue in the near and far future. ❧

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Publisher of Natural Awakenings Atlanta since 2017, Paul Chen’s professional background includes strategic planning, marketing management and qualitative research. He practices Mahayana Buddhism and kriya yoga. Contact him at [email protected].